Sunday, August 28, 2005

i want to know every inch of you
each nook and cranny and curve of you
the spring, the summer, the autumn, the winter of you
just lay back as i conduct this wordless interview.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

James Blunt

my life is brilliant my love is pure
i saw an angel of that i'm sure
he smiled at me on the subway he was with another man
but i won't lose no sleep on that 'cause i've got a plan

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
i saw your face in a crowded place
and i don't know what to do
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
but i cant escape the truth
i will never be with you

yeah, he caught my eye as we walked on by
he could see from my face that i was fucking high
and i don't think that i'll see him again
but we shared a moment that will last till the end

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
i saw your face in a crowded place
and i don't know what to do
You're beautiful, You're beautiful
but i cant escape the truth
i will never be with you

You're beautiful, You're beautiful
You're beautiful it's true
there must be an angel with a smile on her face,
when she thought up that i should be with you
but it's time to face the truth

i will never be with you.


After weeks of trying really hard to maintain my grace, I finally got a small gift that made me feel a whole lot better, if somewhat petty. I don't even need to repeat it here. No need to mention something that thousands of people already saw for themselves.

What goes around comes around.


As far as personality tests go, this is a fairly easy one since you have to answer only 4 questions. But it's pretty thorough nontheless. Check it out here.

You're an ISFP


You're gentle and compassionate...open and flexible...considerate of others and do not for views and opinions on them. Often focus on meeting others needs...pleasant, quiet and kind....at their best ensuring others well-being. Caring and sensitive....modest and reserved..

OK...you enjoy subjects that relate to helping and knowing about people... art ... computers and history classes if these classes are taught with an applied, sensible approach.. and if objectives relate directly to everyday lives....

You're somewhat artistic, aren't you? You could probably post a great poem on the Storm Palace, huh? You dislike structure, because it takes away from your spontaneity and freedom. You like leisure, and seek it out. You savor it...probably say "stop and smell the roses"...You have a personal and humorous approach that is unique...

Patient and flexible..easy to get along with and no need to dominate others. You don't need to lead, and are a loyal follower...good team members... You're trusting and understanding...

Love to you is utter devotion and loyalty... when you first fall in love, you may feel consumed by it...."falling in love with love" ...focus on the romance of it all..you are constantly nourishing the relationship... When scorned, you probably retreat and repeatedly analyze the situation internally....When you let go finally, you can be more assertive again...

You organize things according to their personal and humanistic values. You like a work setting that contains cooperative people... leadership style involves personal loyalty as a means of motivating others... prefer team approach...likes to enjoy life...

Be careful of the following: you can lose out when you neglect your own needs. because you see others' needs so clearly, and because you're heavily motivated toward meeting others' needs, you may overlook your own requirements. You need to learn how to respect own needs more and to be assertive and direct with others in asking for their help and for time to take care of themselves.

You also lose out when you are afraid of conflict and mismanage it as a result. You take personal responsibility for conflicts and issues that in actuality belong to others. You become hurt and withdraw. Finally, you can lose out when you become self-critical, and do not appreciate your own accomplishments.

ISFP: "I Seek Fun & Pleasure"

Yeah, that pretty much covers it.

Sunday, August 21, 2005


and you'll never know
you'll never know
Just how I feel

'cause you're out of reach from me
'cause you're out of reach from me
only in my dreams will I be

the one who wakes up next to you.

The number of people who will know what the hell I'm talking about I can probably count with one hand. And not all of them even know about my journal; which is the only reason I'm blogging about this. Hooray for vagueness!

Yesterday morning for the first time since quitting, I woke up not filled with self-loathing, but with infatuation instead. This particular heady brew of emotions provides a jolt of exhilaration nowhere near as lasting as that of the Real Thing, but can be just as powerful -- sometimes even more so. And just like the last time, nothing will probably come of this, but the distraction has been extremely welcome.

What's more remarkable is that this is twice now I've run into you during a spiritual low. You were the first person I had feelings for after nelson, and the disappointment I endured when nothing ultimately came of that ride was far outweighed by the relief and gratification I felt from the realization that I was no longer dead inside. And that was infinitely more precious and crucial to my healing than any mere fling.

It's funny really: we've only met in person twice in as many years, but nonetheless you've touched my life and changed the flow of my spirit the way no one else has. And both encounters have been by sheer chance; a true convergence of events which makes it even more noteable. Hell, it's probably because I haven't really gotten to know you that you have this effect on me. By being this unattainable ideal, in all likelihood there's no way that you'd be able to measure up to the image that I have of you built up in my head.

You'd probably be even a little freaked out if you were ever to know. If I were a storyteller, that would be an interesting seed for a story: how a person can profoundly affect another and never even know it.

I lack the poet's profundity to accurately descibe the gratitude I feel for what you've done for me. If I were to be granted a wish, it's only that I got to properly thank you; if not as a lover, then even just as a friend.

But you're out of reach. And that's okay.



Tulog na mahal ko
Hayaan na muna natin ang mundong ito
Halika na tulog na tayo
Tulog na mahal ko
`wag kang lumuha malambot ang iyong kama
saka na mamrublema

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan
Matulog, tulog ka na

Tulog na mahal ko
nandito lang akong bahala sa iyo
Sige na tulog na muna
Tulog na mahal ko
at bukas ngingiti ka sa wakas
at sabay harapin ang mundo

Tulog na hayaan na muna natin sila
Mamaya hindi ka na nila kaya pang saktan

Matulog, tulog ka na.


Wolfmann (real name Wilfrid Hernandez) our fellow artist and brother in music, died today of a brain aneurysm. He had an attack last friday, and went into a coma, where he was kept alive via respirator. This afternoon, I received a text message saying that he had passed away.

He was one of the premiere musicians in the genre of electronica. His website can be found here.

His wake begins August 22, 2005 at Funeraria Paz Manila Memorial Park along Sucat Road Paranaque. Mass will be held August 24, wednesday night; and funeral rites will be on August 25, thursday, 9am. Please include Wilfrid in your prayers tonight.

Rest in peace, my friend.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse?

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones

And I will try to fix you.

- Coldplay, "Fix You"

Monday, August 08, 2005


Your Birthdate: May 30

Your birthday on the 30th day of the month shows individual self-expression is necessary for your happiness.

You tend to have a good way of expressing yourself with words, certainly in a manner that is clear and understandable.

You have a good chance of success in fields requiring skill with words.

You can be very dramatic in your presentation and you may be a good actor or a natural mimic.

You have a vivid imagination that can assist you in becoming a good writer or story-teller.

Strong in your opinions, you always tend to think you are on the right side of an issue.

There may be a tendency to scatter your energies and have a lot of loose ends in your work.

You may have significant artistic talent and be very creative.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

I'll go on record on saying I've never really been a huge believer of astrology and how the day you were born determines one's character traits.

That said? DAMN.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Kelly Clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you.

I had no idea that an American Idol Winner could be capable of such great lyrics. I've always considered the single Breakaway as a guilty pleasure; it looks like the rest of the album is good stuff too. I may make that my next purchase.

Pop music, when done right, has the potential for greatness as much as any other "real" genre.


The ironic thing about having an online journal is that if what you want to write about concerns people other than yourself, you can feel constrained about what to write.

needless to say, one of the reasons I've been so quiet lately is because I've been reluctant to talk about the stuff in my life recently out of consideration for the people involved. Even when those same people don't really deserve any such consideration. Not any more.

Anyway, yun lang. I expect to break my silence soon. In the meantime, will be posting more of the same in terms of quotable quotes and song lyrics.

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