Sunday, January 30, 2005


Got this off Newscientist.com

Pentagon reveals rejected chemical weapons
15 January 2005

The Pentagon considered developing a host of non-lethal chemical weapons that would disrupt discipline and morale among enemy troops, newly declassified documents reveal.

Most bizarre among the plans was one for the development of an "aphrodisiac" chemical weapon that would make enemy soldiers sexually irresistible to each other. Provoking widespread homosexual behaviour among troops would cause a "distasteful but completely non-lethal" blow to morale, the proposal says.


An actual, working gayuma that would turn the straightest of homophobic heteros into fabulous manlovers? Baby, I would SO use some of that on ****** ***** of ******* **** so we could have us some hot, sweaty indie-on-indie (tm Jason Caballa) action. One can only hope that it's actually being developed in some secret, black ops science lab somewhere in the world.

One can hope.


Got this off CarverCarl's blog: Neil Gaiman, according to his journal, will be coming to the Philippines for a book signing:

"Incidentally, I'm trying to organise (well, I'm not actually doing the organising) the promised signings in the Philippines and Singapore before or after the Melbourne convention and Australian book signings this summer. The signing in the Philippines looks like it's happening."


Now, if you have to ask why I would bother making a fuss about this or, go "Who's Neil Gaiman?", then I can't do anything for you.

Get your books ready.

Wednesday, January 26, 2005


From The Advocate.com:

We Need Another Hero
With all the advancements being made in regard to GLBT equality, we still don’t have any openly gay showbiz heroes
By Neal Broverman

As a teen who was coming of age in the mid ’90s, I had no reason to believe that being a gay male was a reasonable, normal way to live your life. I just had no frame of reference; no adult I knew was doing it. I felt like an alien, and I didn’t tell a soul about the turmoil raging inside my head. What a difference it would have made if someone I identified with started telling the truth about their sexuality. Now it’s 10 years later, and many things have changed for the GLBT community. But having a universal gay male hero is not one of them.

In the game of “Our Team Has More Out Celebrities,” the lesbians are kicking the gay guys’ collective butts. With the hardships of Melissa, the days of Ellen’s life, and Rosie’s other world covered by the media and all those who consume their magazines, books, and newspapers, it’s easy for a gay man to develop a complex. Where are the faces making us more human? We love our out gals, but where are the guys?

As of late, the most famous lesbians broke the pink ceiling, finding their breakups and diagnoses reported alongside straight counterparts’ with nary an eyelash batted. It’s their struggles and triumphs, not necessarily their homosexuality, that makes headlines. These women are now covered as people, folks with foibles and problems that any human can relate to. Famous lesbians have been partly welcomed into the club of acceptance by mainstream America. Gay men, on the other hand, have yet to find the secret password for entry, or anyone who will even knock on the door.

Sure, there are Elton, George Michael, and Rupert Everett. But they’re all British. Excluding our amazing but less visible writers, including Augusten Burroughs, J.T. LeRoy, and David Sedaris, American gays have no high-profile showbiz boy-heroes. No doubt there are gay men in the ranks of all the movie and TV stars, musicians and singers. The fact that not one of these people will come out of the closet is not only embarrassing, it confirms the fact that being a gay male in America is so terrible it remains the malady that dare not speak its name.

Being gay certainly seemed to be a liability, rather than a character trait, for poor ol’ Jim McGreevey. He was certainly not the out celebrity the gay community was searching for. After he comes out as a “gay American,” the former New Jersey governor resigns from his post and, soon after, exits his position in shame. Mr. McG didn’t come out because he was sick of lying and hiding; he was being blackmailed and run out of office. And he cheated on his wife. This is not the proud coming-out tale I envisioned our cause relishing.

Coming out is always hard. The notion that doing it on the world stage is monumentally difficult is not lost on us. Most of us who manage to escape the closet have battle scars from the journey. It is staggering to imagine this endeavor being broadcast around the globe at the possible expense of career and family; that’s why the act is so incredibly courageous and elevating. Melissa, Ellen, Rosie, Martina, and k.d. made the biggest of all gambles. They’re better off now because they’re free to live truthfully, and we as a community are uplifted because we have larger-than-life examples of how it’s done.

But the disparity between the sexes persists. Is our society more comfortable with gay women than gay men? I, at least, believe the thought is pervasive that an out gay female celeb could survive but her male equivalent would not. We have no evidence either way. Maybe it seems easier for celebrity lesbians because they’re the only ones who have pushed open the closet door en masse. The silence of visible gay males is a serpent eating its tail--it continues the fear, homophobia, and self-hatred without end.

The lack of visible gay men in our culture is a devastating blow to our morale. It isn’t just a pissing match in some stupid Us Weekly battle of dominance. By having high-profile people who are unquestionably on our team, we are given someone to identify with, to admire--someone to hang our hopes and struggles on.

For a confused, scared 16-year-old, that means the world.


I.........would like to make a major announcement on this blog. And because you, my faithful readers, are my closest and dearest friends, I wanted you all to know this first.

I..... am In Love.

Michael Luizza, My Future Husband

That's right. American Idol contestant Michael Luizza from New Orleans is the man I have decided that I, by hook or by crook, am going to marry. How did it happen, you ask? Well it was simply love at first sight.

You can't really tell from the photo (it was the only one I could find of the guy on the site) because it really, really doesn't do him justice, but the man is utterly beautiful. If you saw the New Orleans Audition episode, you'll see that he has a gorgeous, absolutely wonderful smile that melted my heart.

I have now discovered that a nice smile is something I simply CANNOT resist. It's my achilles heel, my poisoned apple, my scooby snack. I've seen the same episode FOUR times now today (once on Star World at 4 in the afternoon, again at 8pm, then on ABC 5 at 10pm, then on Star World again at 11:30 pm, where I taped it onto VHS for me to watch in perpetuity) and I'm STILL swooning.

In addition to his good looks (and manboobs that you can totally see through his shirt!! *droooooooooooooooooooolllll*), what attracted me to him was just his good heart. I mean, you can tell. When asked by the judges why he wanted to be in the competition, his reply was that "there was a lot of bad people in the world, and he wanted to spread some love around". The impressive thing is that he really looked like he meant it, that's what killed me.

Okay, so he may be a little cornball, but a good heart goes a loooooooooooooooooong way with me, as my previous boyfriend used up my entire tolerance quota for ill tempers for the rest of my life. I am SO over Self-proclaimed "bitches-and-proud-of-it", "Hardasses", "bad boys", "free spirits" and other such idiots who can ALL just go jump off a cliff for all I care. I have no more patience for people with no patience, so to speak.

Plus, the man can SING! He did this old classic 50s-style song which realistically I don't think will take him far in the competition (I would be surprised if he makes the top 32) but if you know what to listen for, you can tell that he has amazing vocal control for him to do what he's doing.

Good looks, good heart, AND can sing? How could I NOT fall in love with this man?? So there you go. Future husband right there. We are meant to BE together, I tell you. It's just a matter of time; he just doesn't know it yet. Here's hoping he makes it even a little bit further just so I can dig up more pictures of him.

One must have more than one photo of the man One is going to marry, after all.


I have a posted a gig report of SilentSanct's show at 6Underground bar at our band blog here. Pics and kwentuhan galore. Check it out.


Me, about to enjoy a taste of
Twisted Halo's Joey Odulio

Taken while waiting for our turn to play at this month's Shame On Sham! concert at UP Bahay ng Alumni. He tasted nice, by the way; a bit salty, but nice.

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

KASALUKUYAN (01-20-05)

lahat ng bagay may wakas
lahat tayo'y may sariling landas
may daloy rin ang buhay mo
tatangayin ka mula rito

huwag na sana bumaba ang iyong tingin sa akin
kung ako'y mapaamin

ayoko muna pag-isipan ang mga paalam
sa kinabukasan
huwag mo ako iyong iwanan ating pagsaluhan
ang Kasalukuyan.

isang mahiwagang saglit
lumitaw naglaho di na uulit
may katapusan din 'to
panahon natin ay ginto

habang dito ka ang lahat
kailangan kong ipagtapat
oras natin ay di sapat

di ba pwedeng huwag ka nang
umalis at dito ka
manatili tayong dalawa?

hindi ako ang taong makakapigil sa iyo
kung kailangan mo nang lumisan
ikaw ay aking pababayaan
huwag na ako bigyan pansin

ito lang ay tubig at asin.

Tuesday, January 18, 2005


Silent Sanctuary now has a blog, where all the members can write in. (in theory, at least) I've already made an inaugural post there. All silentsanct-related entries (as well as a production diary on the upcoming album) from here on in will probably go onto that blog.

So that's twice the journal-ey goodness for me to procrastinate with.That's it for me though, no more blogging until I finish the song I'm working on.

Here's hoping you hear from me soon.

Friday, January 14, 2005


Looking back at my older blog entries, It shocked me to see how...... sour I was. There were entries there, occurring at a fairly regular frequency, that wallowed in anger, bitchiness, finding fault in other things and other people, and basically being miserable.

I'm not going to get into specifics about the reasons behind said miseries, but anyone who knows me and knows my history can probably guess where I picked up such traits, and know why they disappeared after a certain period.

This is not a slam towards the parties concerned; I am far, far beyond that stage. I find it merely an observation and a revelation; that I am, for lack of a more complicated term, a "happy" person by nature. It shows in the way I carry myself, it shows in the way I perform (as Raimund himself has noted). Hell, during Silent Sanctuary's photoshoot, I had to be told several times by my bandmates that I was ruining the seriousness of the shot because I was smiling too dang much! Even when I was trying NOT to smile, the corners of my mouth would pull up, an expression which my bandmates now endlessly emulate (termed "Generic Smile") to tease me.

This apprently would have made a good picture
if I could have just kept a straight face...

Don't get me wrong, I have my low point-drama queen days just like anyone else, but my default setting seems to be set on "generally satisfied and happy with life". I've had my down days post-Silentsanct, but nowhere near the general emotional lows of the aforementioned period. People always tell me I look younger than I am; maybe it's not so much my looks (which are faaaahbulous, by the way, thanks for asking *winks* ) but in the way I carry myself and the joie de vivre with which I tackle life.

One thing about me is that I tend to soak up other people's traits if I hang out with them long enough. 2 years ago that definitely happened with me becoming more bitchy, angry and generally unhappy.... You can't even call it bitter because there was nothing to be bitter about (this was BEFORE the breakup). It was more like... making the conscious decision to focus on everything that was bad in your life and accentuate it, wallow in it, and sneer at the dingbats who had the temerity to look at life with a positive demeanor. Sour; as Nick Hornby best put it.

I look back on those older entries and it feels like it was written by whole other person; like I can barely fathom that such vitriol came from me. I'm just so much happier with life right now, even being single! Can you believe it? Me, Mr. 'Love is everything' absolutely at peace, happy even despite having no cuddlebuddy? Those older posts come from a different chapter in my life. One that I'm glad to leave in the past. They represent a part of me that I don't particularly relish being.

This only lets me be even more sure that I've changed for the better.


From Time.com:

Measuring policy success as an increase in wellbeing

When Jigme Singye Wangchuck was crowned king of the Himalayan nation of Bhutan in 1972, he declared he was more concerned with “Gross National Happiness” than with Gross Domestic Product. This probably didn’t come as a surprise to the forest-laden country’s 810,000 to 2.2 million (estimates vary greatly) residents, most of whom are poor subsistence farmers. Bhutan’s GDP is a mere $2.7 billion, but Wangchuck still maintains that economic growth does not necessarily lead to contentment, and instead focuses on the four pillars of GNH: economic self-reliance, a pristine environment, the preservation and promotion of Bhutan’s culture, and good governance in the form of a democracy.

King Wangchuck’s idea that public policy should be more closely tied to wellbeing — how people feel about their lives — is catching on. “There is a growing interest in some policymaking circles in looking at these measures,” says Richard Easterlin, economics professor at the University of Southern California. “We have been misguided in dismissing what people say about how happy they are and simply assuming that if they are consuming more apples and buying more cars they are better off.”


Putting less emphasis on how much money one makes and more into one's overall happiness with life? Baby, that's my philosophy in a nutshell.


From Feb 2003:

"Unless it's mad, Passionate, Extraordinary love, It's a waste of your time. There are too many mediocre things in life. Love shouldn't be one of them."

- Ione Skye, Dream for an Insomniac


ME: You realize that you have just spent over P300 on hair styling product.

MYSELF: It's not like I spent it all on a P300 teeny tiny tube of gel or something. This is a LOT of stuff!

I: Gay.

ME: It's P300 bucks!! You hate going to Greenhills because you would rather have your teeth pulled than pay the P20 parking fee! And you go spend your money on this?? I thought you were cheap??

MYSELF: I AM cheap. I bought the stuff in bulk, which saves me money in the long run.

I: So gay.

ME: What's that about anyway? Why do you have THREE different types of hair product anyway?

MYSELF: Well, from Bench I have both hairstyling Gel (normal hold) and water based creme. The gel is for a hard set, that I can rely on it to keep out of my eyes and maintain it's hold for the entire day. The Water Based creme is super-light with no residue, which I use when I go to the gym in the morning so I can look nice without trying to look nice, you know?

I: I can't believe how gay you've become.

ME: And what about the Gatsby Styling Creme you got from Watsons?

MYSELF: Oh, I started using that after I read Kyan Douglas' section from the Queer Eye for the Straight Guy book. He had a whole chapter on hair product. He deems gel as "too 80's" but I still think it has its' uses. But he is right though in that it's far too hard and stiff. The Styling Creme is like a nice balance between the gel and the water creme; it holds its shape for a reasonable time and still looks natural.

I: "You got it from Kyan"??? Are you even LISTENING to yourself?

ME: So, because of... all the stuff you just said, that justifies you spending P300 on goop that shapes your hair.

MYSELF: Well, yeah! You can't have just ONE product for your hair! It depends on the situation and the look you're going for! Certain situations demand certain looks, and..... and.... ....I'm not exactly helping my case, am I?

I: So. Very. Gay.


From PVPonline.com:

Wednesday, January 12, 2005


"You guys are the happiest band in the world. We were working all day, then to come and listen to you guys.... *smiles*"

- < s >andwich, Sun Valley Crew, Pedicab, Squid 9, and of course the immortal eraserheads' Raimund Marasigan to me, after last night's set in Freedom Bar.

Okay, I know that part of being a gay rock star kuno is to just stay cool and not act like a geek when someone of Raimund's stature pays you a complement like that, but can I just say:


I'm loving this.


"Enjoy the ride. Let it come, don't think about it, don't overanalyze, just let it come. It's day by day because you never know in this business. You can be here today and gone tomorrow. You need to realize that every time you go out there and not take anything for granted."

- WWE Wrestler Batista, on whether or not he feels pressure when performing.

I need to print this out and tape it on the inside of my guitar case so I remember this each and every time I go onstage to perform.

Monday, January 10, 2005


In what is my busiest week to date as a member of SilentSanct, we are loaded for bear this week:

- January 11, Tuesday - UP Bahay ng Alumni for the RAID!: SHAME ON SHAM Anti-Piracy Awareness concert with over 30 bands. We are scheduled to play at 11pm.

- January 12, Wednesday - Freedom Bar along Anonas Blvd for Bluewatch Productions. Other bands on the lineup are CIUDAD, WILD MOOD SWINGS, SOPADISH & PEDICAB. Show starts 10pm.

- January 15, Saturday - 97.1 LSFM Guesting on OTHER PEOPLE'S MUSIC at 9pm. No performances here, we'll be talking about our favorite artists and our upcoming album. And finally...

- January 16, Sunday - Mayric's Espana for SUNDAY GRABE SUNDAY. Other bands on the linueup to be announced.

Add to that at least one studio recording session this week and you have a big WHEW! I hope I don't come off like I'm complaining or anything, because I'm really not. I am absolutely loving every drop of this, exhaustion and all.

Hope to see some of you at any one of these gigs!

Friday, January 07, 2005


Photos for The Ice Cream Barrel:

Mamang Sorbetero

Banana Bonanza

Macho Mint

Toblerone Cheesecake

These awesome photos are courtesy of my awesome photographer-slash-bestest buddy Myles. Thanks a million, pare!!


Silent Sanctuary is scheduled to play on tuesday, January 11 at the UP Bahay ng Alumni at 11 pm (wow, late na! That must mean we're one of the main bands no? charing!...). Additionally, we will now also have a gig at Freedom Bar the following wednesday night, January 12 for BlueWatch Productions. Other bands that will appear to be announced.

And finally, on saturday, January 15, we will make a radio guestion on 97.1 LSFM Campus Radio for the Other People's Music show. No performance here, we will just be talking presumably about the upcoming album and letting listeners hear some of our favorite songs. (three guesses about what artist I'm going to bring.)

Don't forget that we play at Party Central tomorrow, saturday January 8 along with < s >andwich, 6cyclemind, Chocosci and Bridge. Admission is FREE!!

Wow, I'm getting good at this plugging stuff.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005


The UP Junior Philippine Institute of Accountants (UP JPIA), in association with Optical Media Board, Philippine Association of the Record Industry, National Youth Commission, and UP Film Institute invites everyone to a week-long series of exhilarating events that will surely bring the youth closer to the war against piracy...


Activities include the following:

Motorcade and Anti-piracy Float on January 8 at 7pm from UP Diliman to Mother Ignacia Avenue

Free-admission Launch Party on January 8, 8pm at Party Central, Mother Ignacia Avenue featuring sandwich, 6cyclemind, bridge, silent sanctuary, and chicosci

CD Sale on January 10 to 14 at Vinzons Alcantara Hall in UP Diliman, with original CDs from Odyssey, Vicor, Ivory, Warner, Able, as well as original CDs, t-shirts, etc. of indie bands

Movie Re-screenings (a salute to 30 years of Metro Manila Film Festival) at the UP Film Institute on January 7, 10, 11, and 12 at 2pm and 5pm featuring Himala, Atsay, Spirit Warriors 1 & 2, Mano Po 1 & 2, Shake, Rattle, and Roll, plus one surprise film

The highlight of the campaign will be on the night of January 11, 6pm with RAID! The Anti-piracy Concert at the UP Bahay ng Alumni with performances from at least 30 bands like

sugarfree, cambio, mojofly, imago, mayonnaise, 6cyclemind, sandwich, stonefree, bridge, twisted halo, ciudad, silent sanctuary, wolfmann, boldstar, silverfilter, giniling festival, join the club, the brew, comets tale, blue ketchup, copperpopthrill, milknmoney, join the club, covermequick, and many more!

with special participation of the UP Rep and UP Music Circle.

For tickets and inquiries, contact Mico at 09174956475, Roger at 09192534078, or email shameonsham@yahoo.com.


a great pair of gigs, for a good cause. And some pretty awesome company to share a bill with. If you can come to either of these events, please do so. If you found out about it via this blog, please introduce yourselves to me at the gig and let me know.


In between songs in the RT booth

You can see this photo and a bunch of other band pics at SilentSanct's Yahoo Photos site. Check 'em out.

Sunday, January 02, 2005


A more complete gig report and my thoughts to come; I woke up with a stuffed nose and cough-ey throat, so it looks like my Xmas vacation has been stretched out more than I planned (hell, at this point I WANT to go back to work, and working out) Am listening to the taped copy my sister recorded for me, and finally getting to hear the songs as a LISTENER, while not being in the middle of playing the music I just want to say:

I am in the best FUCKING band in the world. I have the best JOB in the world. I LOVE my bandmates. I am the luckiest sumbitch singer for lucking out in being able to play for these amazing, amazing people and be given the honor of singing for them. I am just so fucking LUCKY.

I am so happy right now I could explode.

Saturday, January 01, 2005



Start your year right! Silent Sanctuary is 99.5 RT's first guest for 2005 on their SUNDAY SESSIONS live radio performance.

The pioneers of "Ultimate Romantiko Rock" (or "URR"; coined by one of our listeners) will be LIVE and in-studio this sunday January 2 at 9 pm! The Sunday Sessions are great fun because along with your usual live performance, we will be answering questions from listeners via text and chatroom. Along with the songs, there most likely be plenty of asaran and goofing around between band members as well. It wil be just like hanging out with the band for the night!

PLUS! you can even see us via webcam! If you have Yahoo Messenger, simply look for the 99.5 RT yahoo (userid: rt995) add it as a friend and you'll be able to see us as well as hear us! A feast for the eyes AND the ears! (haha feeling!)

Full band setup ito, and we'll be playing new songs, some current favorites, and some classics from the first album as well, kaya how can you go wrong?

Kaya go go go! Once again, that's January 2, sunday 9pm. Set your radio dial to 99.5. What better way to chill out as the holidays wind down?

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