Thursday, October 30, 2003

I listen to the Radio

We were on Nagtahan bridge, driving home after watching the RX 93 free concert with Stone Free and TrueFaith. Since we were just repeatedly bombarded with RX 93 commercials, naturally the radio was tuned to that station. What was on at the time was one of those call in segments where people call about their love problems. It was called the “Love Emergency” or something.

Anyway, the lucky caller for the evening was a young lady who had a problem that was common enough: first boyfriend, four year relationship, been together since they were 14, discovers that after all this time, the guy has been cheating on her, and now she wants revenge. Or in her words, “Make Revenge”.

“What was THAT?!” I exclaimed. “Before she does something about her sleazy ex, she should do something about her HORRENDOUS English!” Nelz concurred: “Magtagalog ka na lang”. Among other notable gems from her were that she was very “UNG-gri” at this guy she wanted to ‘make revenge’ on.

The kicker was that at the end of it, she confessed that he reason she was so upset was that she gave the guy her virginity. And instantly, Nelz and I simultaneously went ”Ayun pala eh!!” It was at that very moment that realized that people all over the city who were listening in were having the same reaction on this silly, silly girl.

I used to scoff at these types of shows, but now I think I’m beginning to understand that these call-in programs shows aren’t popular because people listen in to sympathize with the caller; they listen so they can laugh at these poor saps’ boneheadedness and judge them. I had no idea these shows were such ripe targets for snarkdom, one of my absolute favorite hobbies.

One final tidbit which made me laugh out loud was an exchange between the DJ and another caller that showed a rare display of Nelz’ trademark bluntness:

DJ: we have another caller on the line with some advice for the love problem. Hey, you sound pretty young.

Caller: (female voice) Oh, I’m not young anymore.

DJ: How old are you?

Caller: 21.

Nelz: Puta ka.

A sign?

I just had a dream where I was asked by Vin Dancel to play onstage with Twisted halo. Oddly enough, Jazz Nicholas was also there, and we ended up playing Pork Siomai, one of the songs from his band Boldstar. It was an incredible rush to be up on stage. I didn't even remember seeing the audience. It was just the feeling of playing, making music, with other talented people.

Because Vin had asked me to play with them, the best feeling of all was the sense of validation that brought, that I was no longer just a fan, but actually one of them, to be respected and considered as a peer. I'm starting to believe that deep down, when you strip away everything else, beyond cuting an album, beyond getting radio airplay, beyond appearing in magazine covers and tv interviews, beyond playing at the NU Rock Awards, that's what really I want.

And I can't remember the last time I woke up this happy.

Tuesday, October 28, 2003

Wish list

I want this book. It's a fascinating collection of first-person narrations from people who have actually experienced the situations listed within. Some of the following include what it feels like:

- to have OCD
- to get caught in a tornado
- to be attacked by a swarm of killer bees (owwwch!)
- to participate in an orgy (hmmmm..)

It's already out in paperback, which makes it a cheaper buy. Must start trolling Fully Booked for it now....

Screw you, Studio 23

I was working out early this afternoon in Powerflex Gym. Inbetween sets, I was resting & keeping my eyes on the TV which was tuned to Studio 23 (hence the title of this entry).

I was just watching aimlessly, not really caring what was on, and it was because of that, I wasn't able to turn away like I normally do when their commercial for this week's episode of Alias showed up, they revealed key pieces of information about the series including a VERY IMPORTANT AND SHOCKING TWIST which I have gone to great pains to avoid learning anything about, and in just 30 seconds, all that effort has now gone up in smoke.

This is important because I have always made it a point to avoid any Studio 23 commercials about the show because I watch the AXN run. Studio 23 did have it earlier, but they had the boneheaded bright idea to first show it in ABS-CBN, and -- get this -- dubbed in tagalog. I don't know how well that panned out, but guess what? Soon after that they moved it to Studio 23 in it's original dialogue. By then I was well-immersed in the AXN run and wasn't going to switch channels anytime soon.

For anyone who hasn't seen this show, big, world-turning plot twists happen on a faily regular basis. And while that sounds like it would become tedious and predictable, believe me, it doesn't. It just raises the stakes of the show to a level where for once the cliche really holds true and anything CAN happen, provided you don't know what's coming.

Now, any shock over seeing this unspoiled is now gone forever (and it would have been a big one), and I am seriously pissed off. So if anyone ELSE wants to know what the big twist is, just swipe your cursor over the inviso-text below:

Francie Calfo, Sydney's roommate and best friend ever since the beginning of the series, turns out to be a sleeper agent who finally reveals herself and tries to murder a shocked Sydney.

Thanks a lot, Studio 23. Fuck you.

Sunday, October 26, 2003


He may be the face I can't forget
A trace of pleasure I regret
May be my treasure or the price I have to pay
He may be the song that summer sings
May be the chill that autumn brings
May be a hundred different things
Within the measure of the day.

He may be the beauty or the beast
May be the famine or the feast
May turn each day into heaven or a hell
He may be the mirror of my dream
A smile reflected in a stream
He may not be what he may seem
Inside his shell

He who always seems so happy in the crowd
Whose eyes can be so private and so proud
No one's allowed to see them when they cry
He may be the love that can and hope to last
May come to me from shadows of the past
That I remember till day I die

He may be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough and ready years
Me, I'll take his laughter and his tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where He goes I got to be
The meaning of my life is He


Oh.... He

          - Elvis Costello

Thursday, October 23, 2003


Ala-singko na pala ng umaga
Kanina pa nakatunganga
Walang malambot na kama
Sa killer kong insomya, baby

Nananabik na muling tawagin ng antok
Nananabik na muling tawagin ng hilik

'Di ko alam kung ba't ako nagkaganito
'Di ko alam kung ba't ako nagkaganito

Ilang oras na ring nakahiga
Pagulong-gulong sa aking kama
Parang modelo kung makapwesto
Mahirap ang maging ganito

Gising na ang aking nanay
Gising na ang aking tatay
May ilaw na sa bahay
Ngunit bakit malungkot ang aking buhay

        - Sugarfree, from the album Sa Wakas


I know I promised to write about lighter things in this blog from now on, but it's hard to come up with pleasant content when you feel absolutely nothing. I haven't felt passionate about anything for the past week. I have been slogging through the day, trying to feel enthusiastic about anything.

Wake up. Get dressed. Work. Exercise. Home. Dinner. TV. Sleep. Wake up. Get dressed. Work. Exercise. Home. Dinner. TV. Sleep. Wake up. Get dressed. Work. Exercise. Home. Dinner. TV. Sleep. Wake up. Get dressed. Work. Exercise. Home. Dinner. TV. Sleep. Wake up. Get dressed. Work. Exercise. Home. Dinner. TV. Sleep. Wake up. Get dressed. Work. Exercise. Home. Dinner. TV. Sleep. Wake up. Get dressed. Work. Exercise. Home. Dinner. TV. Sleep. Wake up. Get dressed. Work. Exercise. Home. Dinner. TV. Sleep.

I can't remember the last time I could feel anything but this big... unfeeling inside my chest. It's not depression. Because I don't feel bad. I have nothing to feel bad about. The store is doing okay, my relationship is fine (as far as I can tell), nothing. Last month, a friend asked me how I was, and I replied truthfully, "Cant complain". That's right, because I know that there are people with much bigger problems than mine, and I have no right to be feeling this way. Which somehow makes it worse, and drives me crazy.

Some of you might say "Use this experience to create something" as in write a song. I haven't written anything, or even played a guitar in literally weeks. I haven't felt the need to. How can you be inspired by nothingness?

It's funny. I've been foretelling this acoustic wave for years, and now that it's finally here, it's become my bane.

Acoustic sets. Tower Records top albums are acoustic albums and acts. Bars promise acoustic performances. Paolo santos is "Mr. Acoustic". Nyoy Volante has an "Acoustic and eclectic" show. I've been playing aboustic way before a lot of people got on the bandwagon, and I should be happy. But Instead, it makes me just want to spit on my guitar.

I find myself half-wishing for something to happen so I can lose my temper, to let it out at someone, just to feel something, even if it is anger, but I have nothing. And even if it were to occur, I probably wouldn't do anything, because to take it out on someone else just because you're feeling bad is Just Wrooooooong.

And of course, I always have to do good, di ba? That's what people say daw about me: "Ay, ang bait ni Ian. Mabait si Ian. And bait bait bait niya!!!!!" Right now, I feel like I want to just spit on everything and let it all loose, to allow myself to be bad. To be awful. So I can feel, even if it's just guilt. But I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I feel dead inside, and I don't know what to do about it.

Tuesday, October 21, 2003


Last saturday night, Nelz and I attended a birthday party of a friend. Besides us, also there were her gay best friend and his significant other. In total, there were 2 straight women and four gay men on one table. We basically spent the entire night gabbing away, dining on honey cake and dark chocolate ice cream while sipping on fine coffee and green tea, and watching Sex and the City on HBO.

Short of a hair party, I don't think it could have possibly gotten any gayer than that.

Monday, October 20, 2003

Haven't she tried just switching brands?

This is what I mean when I say that Americans take things way, way, waaaaaaaay too seriously. And then they head to court.

And yes, I do realize that I've modelled my pattern of behavior on them on more than one occasion. I'm trying to change that.

Friday, October 17, 2003


Last night, Woowoo Ortiz passed away. I only met him once, and he seemed a decent sort. He was the frontman of 90's ska-pop band Tungaw, and he was studying to be a doctor.

His affliction was, I don't recall the name for it right now, but basically he had the measles, which eventually entered his brain and went undetected until it was too late. The last time I saw him it was at a birthday party of a friend, and he was a young, vibrant and strong fellow. The next time I saw him, he was a husk of a human being, barely hanging on via a respirator. It's always very sad for one to die that young.

My heart and prayers go out to Annette and the rest of the Ortiz family for this tremendous loss.

Thursday, October 16, 2003

Good, gray skies

There's something inherently relaxing about waking up to rainy skies. The muted light wakes you up far more gently than the bright sun shining in your face. And the sound of rain gently falling outside your window soothes me, like a gentle whisper or hush from the heavens.

It's a good morning.

Wednesday, October 15, 2003


Nelz said it best.

I find it so hard to get excited about anything right now. Be it work, working out, writing music or anything else that used to excite me. Halfheartedly bouncing from one distraction to the next. I'm terribly, terribly bored.

If I ruled the WWE

Today had the makings of a lousy day right from the start. I wake up to gray skies and wet weather, which is only good if you don't have to get up. I was already cranky due to events that happened last night which, without getting into details, had me going all over the city at 11 pm looking for all purpose flour (don't ask). I checked them all: 7-11, Bingo!, the 24-hour Mercury Drug branch in Quezon Avenue and even the Glo-Ri supermarket along Kamias.

None of them had all-purpose flour. How weird is that? I know it's not exactly an impulse item, but it's not something that unusual either. I did find some flour on sale in this small no-named "convenience store" (and I use the term very loosely but they were so old that the once-white packaging was now beige and even the expiration date had faded away. It was, however, still "okey pa!" according to the cashier working there, which made me shudder (mental note: never, ever buy anything from this particular store).

So I had to wait until Unimart opened at 10 am today to buy the flour and prepare what needed to be done before I could head off to Hotstix. By then my schedule had already been messed up due to this, as I had planned to go there early today. After purchasing the flour, I head back home to get caught in some monstrous traffic from ICA which had me contemplating how to set a bomb and detonate the school.

What pisses me off the most about ICA is how they practically doubled their student population with the construction of several new buildings, yet planned nothing about the ensuing traffic snarl. Ever affluent student there has a car and is naturally too precious (or too kidnap-worthy) to commute, so picture hundreds of students going to and leaving school, every day, each in their own cars... you do the math.

I got stuck in a particularly nasty intersection which had me idling through several green lights and 2 complete songs plus commercials on the radio. By the time I finally get home, and pick up everything to go to Quezon Ave, I am in a really lousy mood. And when I get to Hotstix? Even more good news: The water is out, which means everything has to be washed tabo-style. The day just kept better and better, and it wasn't even noon.

It's days like this that I wish that I was Vince McMahon: WWE owner & CEO, On-air character and all-around Evil Villain. If someone pissed him off, he would simply book them into a handicap cage match with Brock Lesnar and The Big Show. Why risk bruising your knuckles when you have an array of similarly evil and brawny henchmen to do your dirty work for you?

If I was working at the counter, and one smart-alecky customer started complaining about not getting their food after just having made their order 2 minutes ago, I would simply smile and say: "Your food is coming, ma'am. And by the way, you have a match with Rhyno tonight." Now, that would be cool.

Along with those perks, as owner and absolute ruler of the WWE, one of the perks of being Vince McMahon is that you get to have your eye candy employees like Trish Stratus (or in my case, Albert) walk around in a thong around you all day. Since the WWE is filled with athletic types, you will never run out of well-toned sex kittens/bears to play with.

There are naturally downsides. Being evil incarnate, you will eventually get your ass kicked by your wrestler/wife/ungrateful son or daughter, much to the delight of the live crowd. But that's okay, because you can get revenge in further episodes down the line. You are Vince Fricking McMahon after all.

Your wife, on the other hand, would pose more of a problem. You had her committed once, only to have her escape and kick you hard in the nuts. But you got over it, because Vince McMahon's nuts are the size of grapefruits. And as for your kids, at some point they will turn evil and join you in fighting all that is good and true in the WWE. They are your kids after all.

This is all on top of being a multi-millionaire, of course. (at one point he was a real-live billionaire, but then the wrestling boom ended and WWE stock came crashing down.) So there you have it: the ability to book people you don't like into matches with big mean monsters, almost-naked eye candy who live to please you, and just the occasional butt-kicking to prove that good does triumph over evil (with evil getting even soon enough), Yeah, it would be good to be Vince McMahon.

I wonder how many people reading this entry have the slightest idea of what I'm talking about?

Sunday, October 12, 2003

Too much information ba?

In the spirit of talking about more uplifting things on this blog, I would like to share the following with you all: I just had the most AMAZING sex. The kind that surpasses even your wildest expectations (which, if you've ever been a horny adolescent, you know are some pretty dang high expectations).

It's been more than 12 hours after the fact, and I still can't get over how absolutely incredible it was. I'll be on a high for days.

Just wanted to share. :)

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Now hold up a minute....

Taken as a whole, this blog has gotten WAAAAAAAAAAYYY too angry and worked up. It's become draining to read, and not that much fun. Henceforth, I promise not to whine about on this blog about my problems on stuff like:

1) The state of the country
2) Politics (both domestic and foreign)
3) George Dubbaya Bush
4) The Church
5) Gay issues (I'm a fag and I'm sick of listening to myself bitch about it)
6) My mother and how she drives me nuts
7) My lack of money
8) My writer's block
9) The annoying number of beautiful people (of both genders and sexualities) throwing themselves at me.
10) The burdens of being both beautiful and intelligent (mahirap talaga...)
11) Trying to remain humble in the face of the multitude of my physical and mental gifts.

There. That should tone down the anger quota of this blog considerably. :)

Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Every day, I give thanks to God that I was not born American

President Bush endorses "Marriage Protection Week"

The man just keeps coming up with more and more reasons for me to despise him. Most of them not even related to my sexuality. It's kinda impressive in a twisted way, actually.

Thank you, God. Thank you so very much for making me a Filipino. Amen.

Saturday, October 04, 2003

Sick Again

The reason that I'm sitting here in front of my computer in my house on an early Sunday morning instead of snuggled with Nelz snoozing peacefully, is that once again I've come down with a slight fever.

I felt absolutely awful on Friday, which I attributed to my insomnia that kept me up late all week long, and my body was finally paying for it. But the feeling continued on Saturday, where a lovely buffet lunch at Mandarin Oriental to celebrate my brother's graduation left me cranky and eating practically like a normal person, instead of stuffing my face like I usually do (horrors!).

I drive home and immediately take my temperature, and my worst fears were confirmed: 38.5. I was going to have to stay home this weekend, if I wanted to be ready for nelz's big photo exhibit on Wednesday.

I hate being sick on weekends. Not that there's ever a good time to get sick, mind you, but due to our mutual schedules, that's the only time during the entire week where we can actually spend any decent quality time together.

So far, it's sucked: I've laid in bed all day alternating playing Final Fantasy Tactics, Watching DVD's, cable TV, and the aquarium. Trust me, it's been nowhere near as fun as some of you may think. I just want to go out.

Sleeping is another concern, as I suffer from chills and waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. Tonight was no different. Going to bed at 10, I remember waking up at 1 am, 3 am, and 5 am, and here I am now.

The worst part is that with much trepidation, I took my temperature again this morning, hoping that it went down allowing me to go see Nelz today. Alas, it is not to be: 38.9. Almost the same as yesterday. Which means I'm trapped here for another stupid day, and that this weekend is totally shot Nelz-wise.

I just hope I don't have dengue.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?