Friday, April 30, 2004


Michael Jackson in court to deny charges of molestation

Scary, scary, scary.

Thursday, April 29, 2004


....Or in this case, table.

Anyone who knows me personally knows that I'm just a big stocky procrastinator; it takes me forever to do certain things (I swear I'm going to reformat this computer! Honest!...). Well, last Wednesday I finally cleaned up my lightbox desk table, which was more like a surface to pile things on more than anything else at that point.

There was a ton of junk I ended up throwing out, old papers and notes that I catalogued, but the most pleasant discovery was a pair of poems from Evil Dhex which I had thought were long lost. He had read them during one of the old Power Poets poetry readings, and I asked for the hard copies.

Sometime after that, his computer crashed, taking all of his poetry along with it. He asked me if I still had the poems that I gave him, and I promised I would look for them. The search at the time turned up nothing, but on Wednesday, sandwiched between mountains of papers, there they were. And I present them here for Dhex and the rest of you to appreciate. Enjoy.

Dexter Lira - 20 September-13 October 2001

I will seek you in the bathroom
There amidst the soap and the tiles
And your ablutions I will find you
Immersed, secure in the knowledge
That my eyes do not proceed past
Your shower curtain.

We can talk- my eyes will not enjoy
You nakedness. I have seen it in my dreams,
Of course. Though it was in waking
That I truly saw you, unadorned,
Across kilometers of telephone wire,
A Boticeli floating on pillows

I used to discover you in the mornings,
Between sheets and your warm toast, or at night,
Before events, like shower curtains, screened,
And I'd wait like an empty tub under a dry,
Bathroom tap. You're always Busy,
always Out. You're always in The Bathroom

I will seek you In the Bathroom then,
Along kilometers of telephone wire,
On nights when the soul cries out
For blessed solace, or screams
In sweet remembered constipated pain, or
Strikes up a shower tune, dancing for simple joy.

I will seek you in your bathroom, your
bastion of water and frosted glass,
Your nocturnal gallery. Amidst the soap,
The tiles and your ablutions, I will make my way to you,
Perhaps proceeding past your shower curtain,
To sweetly, lovingly discover you again.

Dexter Lira - 12 September 2001

And that is all you do?
Bleed ink when some lovely young thing pricks you?
Scream freedom when you tire of life?
You do not fuck
You do not have a job, or a car, or money
Or do anything else that wpould otherwise
Justify your sorry existence
Except to indulge in the very shakeable belief
In your power to move the universe with words

Do you honestly believe that the universe gives a damn about your life?
I'm part of the universe. And I don't.
I'm too busy fucking (you should try it, it's fun)
I'm too busy working for a living
I'm too busy driving my car and spending my money
And unlike you, I can justify my existence: I have a life.
I am secure in the knowledge that in this universe
It is I who must move. And I do.

When life stabs ME I leak real blood, copious amounts
Lost to sustain my adulterous amnopheles wife
And her wriggling bloodworm kids
When life threatens to flatten me I fight back,
With work, with fists, with lawsuits if I have to.
I do not wait for princess charming to climb my
Makati tower, to rescue me before I jump.
I leave no death poems: I don't need them.
My life has meaning. More than you'll ever know,
Or frame in your sorry verse

Peddle your poems somewhere else.
Pathetic whiny little bastards, the lot of you.

Stevie Wonder

Lately, I have had the strangest feeling
With no vivid reason here to find
Yet the thought of losing you's been hanging
'round my mind

Far more frequently you're wearing perfume
With you say no special place to go
But when I ask will you be coming back soon
You don't know, never know

Well, I'm a man of many wishes
Hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye

Lately I've been staring in the mirror
Very slowly picking me apart
Trying to tell myself I have no reason
with your heart

Just the other night while you were sleeping
I vaguely heard you whisper someone's name
But when I ask you of the thoughts your keeping
You just say nothing's changed

Well, I'm a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye, goodbye

Oh, I'm a man of many wishes
I hope my premonition misses
But what I really feel my eyes won't let me hide
Cause they always start to cry
Cause this time could mean goodbye

Monday, April 26, 2004


Food Porn

Was shown this truly tilted video courtesy of Charmaine, who said she immediately thought of me after seeing it because in her words, I was the only one she knew who was "as screwed as that".

Personally, I have NO idea what she's talking about.


For anyone who's ever felt a little wrong about paying P80 for a cup of coffee, this is for you.

Sunday, April 25, 2004


"Some people confuse meanness for passion."

     ~ Saturday Night Live head writer Tina Fey, on why some men prefer mean women

Friday, April 23, 2004


Shii Ann winning the immunity challenge when she absolutely, positively needed to, against 6 other players who were all united against her, and then her turning around and gleefully rubbing it in on everyone's face has to rank as one of THE most satisfying moments in Survivor, EVER.

I've always liked the Shii-Devil, even way back in Thailand. Partly because she was the first Asian, and partly because she boasted smarts and snark over physical strength or cuteness. When she inadvertently became the underdog in (both in Thailand within a tribe of idiots and in All Stars as the last remaining Mogo Mogo) I wanted to root for her all the more.

What earned her the biggest respect from me was that she was definitely the target of everyone, and they made no secret to hide it. While the smart (and boring) strategy would be to keep your head down and not offend anyone, she was like "Screw it, and screw ALL of you!!!" And when she won that precious immunity after being regarded all season long as a non-threat, she backed up her words and PROVED that she deserved to be on All-Stars. For added sweetness, she called them ALL stupid after winning! Wahahahahahaha!

I don't think she'll win, because everyone else on Chapera is apparently too stupid to realize that Boston Rob is going to take Amber to the final two. If Rob Cesternino was still around he would have taken advantage of the situation in an instant, which is why Boston Rob got rid of him and every other player with actual strategic skills.

However, with Chapera alliances finally shattered, there is still a chance for Shii Ann to sell her vote to a sub-faction looking to take control. No one expected Jenna Morasca to win 2 immunities back-to-back, yet she did, ultimately becoming the Amazon Survivor. Am not giving up hope just yet.

Stupid, stupid players indeed. How very sweet it is.

Monday, April 19, 2004

The Eagles

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
You been out riding fences for so long now.
Oh, you're a hard one;
I know that you got your reasons.
These things that are pleasing you
Can hurt you somehow.

Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy,
She'll beat you if she's able.
You know the Queen of Hearts is always your best bet.

Now it seems to me some fine things
Have been laid upon your table
But you only want the ones that you can't get.

Desperado, oh, you ain't getting no younger;
Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home.
And freedom, oh freedom, well that's just some people talking,
Your prison is walking through this world all alone.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time,
The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine;
It's hard to tell the night time from the day.
You're losing all your highs and lows,
Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?
Come down from your fences, open the gate.
It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you;
You better let somebody love you, before it's too late.


....because it's just too fecking HOT to think up anything else. GWAH!!

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Indigo Girls

Dust in our eyes our own boots kicked up
Heartsick we nursed along the way we picked up
You may not see it when it's sticking to your skin
But we're better off for all that we let in

Lost friends and loved ones much too young
So much promises and work left undone
When all that guards us is a single center line
And the brutal crossing over when it's time

I don't know where it all begins
And I don't know where it all will end
We're better off for all that we let in

One day those toughies will be withered up and bent
The father son the holy warriors and the president
With glory days of put up dukes for all the world to see
Beaten into submission in the name of the free

We're in a revolution I have heard it said
Everyone's so busy now but do we move ahead
The planets hurting and atoms splitting
And a sweater for your love you sit there knitting

I don't know where it all begins
And I don't know where it all will end
We're better off for all that we let in

See those crosses on the side of the road
Tied with ribbons in the medium
They make me grateful I can go this far
Lay me down and never wake me up again

Kat writes a poem and she sticks it on my truck
We don't believe in war and we don't believe in luck
The birds were calling to her what were they saying
As the gate blew open the tops of the trees were swaying

I've passed the cemetery walk my dog down there
I read the names in stone and say a silent prayer
When I get home you're cooking supper on the stove

And the greatest gift of life is to know love.

Saturday, April 17, 2004


I got me a new pet!

I adopted a cute lil' tempura fetus
from Fetusmart! mm..yummy.

And when it grows up, I can eat it.

Friday, April 16, 2004


Social Question time:

Went to Big Sky Mind last night to watch a couple of bands and see a couple of old friends. It was a little strange, actually, as there was a whole new crowd of people there and none of the regulars I used to associate with the place. I used to remember when I could go there on any Friday night and see the folks from Twisted Halo, the itchyworms, Imago, all just chilling out there after having gigged from somewhere else. I thought I was the only one who had moved on, but it seems like most everyone else has as well. S'life, I guess.

Saw an old acquaintance, a batchmate during my Fine Arts College days. We were never close, but we weren't strangers either (although I admit there were most likely times when we got on each others' nerves.) After engaging in some small talkery, he said something that sort of irked me, but I'm not quite sure if it's socially acceptable for me to feel as such. To keep his anonymity, I will refer to him as "Antoine".

ANTOINE: So, what are you doing now?

ME: Oh, still at Hotstix.

ANTOINE: Oh, really? Did I tell you about my new job na ba?

ME: Call Center, right?

ANTOINE: That's what I used to do. Now I'm a trainer. I get paid P9,000 every week, and I only work 2 weeks a month. My social life suddenly opened up. *smiles*

ME: Wow, that's really cool!

I meant what I said, but almost immediately after that, I felt put off by it; I didn't ask about how much he earned or how free his work schedule was. To his credit, he didn't seem like he was rubbing it in my face and being all smug, but then again, maybe that's just his way. I felt the urge to top him and tell him about the shop's last month's net sales, but I didn't know how it could come off as anything other than one-upmanship, so I kept my mouth shut and smiled instead.

Although the store's sales are healthy, I draw a small salary for myself and pour the funds back to the store and make it grow, as any business book or even simple common sense will tell you that. Yes, it results in more free time than a standard 9-to-5er, but there's an appropriate tradeoff in terms of financial remuneration, which I am fine with.

But I've never gone about bragging about how much free time I have compared to my busier friends; in fact when the subject comes up I just shut up and start noticing something very interesting in the background so as not to come off like I'm bragging about it while everyone else is busy busting their asses in jobs that don't pay nearly enough. I have friends who both earn less and more than what I do, and that topic has never come up when talking to any of them. Speaking solely for myself, having my financial status compared unfavorably to someone else is never a good feeling.

I've always assumed that asking people their salary (or bragging about your own) was considered a no-no, just in case the person you were talking to earned less than you and might feel inadequate. I've never brought it up in conversation, ESPECIALLY unprompted, because I've always considered it to be rude, although I concede I've never been given a hard and fast rule on it.

I guess, my question is: Is there ANY context in which one can bring up the subject of one's own salary and work schedule and not come off as a prick? Or am I being thin-skinned about the situation and simply overanalyzing things again?

Any thoughts on this would be appreciated.

Wednesday, April 14, 2004


The Maskulados? Fah! Power Four? Bunch of pretty boy hacks! Thunder Down Under? Please!! THIS is THE man candy group of 2004!! Why go for six tiny, paltry abs when you can have one, GIANT overhanging ab instead?

In my bid to prove that I am totally secure with myself and my body*, and that I have a healthy (albeit demented) sense of humor about myself, here is the picture that the gifted (and equally demented) Diwa and I collaborated on (which I obviously modelled for), as an homage to one of the premiere supergroups of the art of singing, the oh-so talented The Hunks.

The resemblance is uncanny, don't you think? It's like someone cloned 8 Piolos, made them even BETTER looking, and put them all in a row. Click here to view the full size pic in all its' flabby, gut-busting glory.

*However, if you happen to be a cute guy perusing my site who up until now had plans of asking me out but are now reconsidering due to said pic, let me just say that this was taken way late last year (as evidenced by my still-colored hair) and I am jutting my stomach out as much as possible for maximum gut. I assure you, I am NOT as big in person as I am in that pic. Promise. ;)

Alanis Morissette

You can be an asshole of the grandest kind
You can withhold like it's going out of style
You can be the moodiest baby
And I’ve never met anyone who's as negative as you are sometimes

You are the wisest person I've ever met
You are the kindest soul with whom I've connected
You have the bravest heart that I've ever seen
And I've never met anyone who's as positive as you are sometimes

I see everything
I see every part
I see all your light and I love your dark
I dig everything of which you're ashamed
There's not anything to which I can't relate
and I'm still here

You blame everyone else, not your own partaking
Your passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
You're the most gorgeous man that I've ever known
And I've never met anyone who's as everything as you are sometimes

I see everything
I see every part
I see all your light and I love your dark
I dig everything of which you're ashamed
There's not anything to which I can't relate
and I'm still here

What you resist, persists
And speaks louder than you know
What you resist, I love
No matter how low or high you go

I see everything
I see every part
I see all your light and I love your dark
I dig everything of which you're ashamed
There's not anything to which I can't relate
and I'm still here

I see everything
I see everything

And I'm still here.

Sunday, April 11, 2004


Which poem are you?

The Mad Girl's Love Song by Sylvia Plath

To you, love is desperate and hateful. You're wildly passionate and wildly inventive. You're also likely to start stalking people.

Personality Test Results

Click Here to Take This Quiz
Brought to you by YouThink.com quizzes and personality tests.


"I know this is hard for you.... but this is a precious experience. Your first real heartbreak. You shouldn't....... deny yourself this, as much as I know you want to. And you shouldn't rush it. It's precious." ~ Charmaine

Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Fleetwood Mac

I took my love, I took it down
Climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
'Till the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Well, I've been afraid of changing
'Cause I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I'm getting older too

Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down

And if you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down.


Lifted from the always-brilliant Swamp Ophelia blog:

"I just wonder about all the 'necessary' bad guys in our lives. There was this old Dawson's Creek episode where, one of the characters died. In her eulogy, one of the major characters said that "there are those that are meant to nurture us, and there are those meant to challenge us" and make us stronger. We hate them for everything that they've done to us, but then without them we wouldn't be who we are. The clear message is that we're supposed to love them."


the "Jeff's Tatalah", a triple-decker sandwich with
corned beef, swiss cheese and turkey served with cole slaw

The Carnegi Deli is a New York City landmark famous (or for nutritionists, infamous) for it's sandwiches that are so overstuffed with meat that the bread is more like an afterthought, like that sprig of parsley on your plate that serves no purpose other than making it look pretty. I've had steak dinners that probably had less calories than one of these monsters.

Their Pastrami Sandwich(below) is one of their most famous creations, with people coming from all over the country and beyond to clog their arteries with this New York treat (and since pastrami is basically beef bacon, that's a LOT of cholesterol).

Our tagline: Nobody lives forever

I don't think this is what the late Dr. Atkins had in mind when he advocated protein over carbohydrates. Looking at the picture above, my first reaction is: "NAG-TINAPAY KA PA!!" I love a good sandwich about 5 times as much as the next guy, but GEEZ.

Having said that, I'll probably still try one if I ever go to New York again.

Tuesday, April 06, 2004


"Only the really plain people know about love - the very fascinating ones try so hard to create an impression that they soon exhaust their talents. "
                  ~ Katherine Hepburn

Sunday, April 04, 2004


Got this off a friend's blog:

1: Grab the book nearest to you. turn to page 18, find line 4. write down here what it says:

"Well, I insist!" Replied his wife. Tell me why you laughed so loudly and what your secret is! I don't care if you have to die."

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. what do you touch first?:

Old empty bottle of OFF! lotion.

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?:

The Daily Show International Edition with Jon Stewart on CNN.

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time it is:

12:30 am.

5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?:

12:30 am (hey!).

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?:

CD player, currently on Indigo Girls new album All That We Let In, track 3, Free in You.

7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?:

Outside the house, to go to the dirty kitchen to melt some chocolate for my ganache chocolate ice cream for tomorrow (now today's) batch.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?:


9: What are you wearing?:

Tank top and denim shorts.

10: Did you dream last night? what about?:

I usually don't remember my dreams.

11: When did you last laugh? why?

Early this afternoon watching an episode of the latest season of Friends that my brother downloaded off the 'net. In this one, Phoebe legally changes her name to "Princess Contessa Banana-Hammock", and her husband starts calling himself "Crap Bag" to demonstrate the folly of her ways. ("It's Crap Bag. To make it easier to remember, just think of a bag of crap.").

I can always watch Friends; it's the closest thing to comfort food in TV form. It's just one of those rare shows where everything from cast chemistry to writing to character development all come together, like a perfect song from a really good band.

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?:

Old artwork of mine during my "online fanfic artist" phase.

13: Seen anything weird lately?

Well, my cat who just gave birth to 4 kittens apparently adopted another kitten from somewhere, which is wierd, but also really, really maternal and kinda sweet. :).

14: What do you think of this quiz?:

The questions are interesting enough to warrant my answering them.

15: What is the last film you saw?:

In the theaters, Scooby Doo 2. UGH.

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?:

A trip for me and for all of my fag hags (Diwa, Nikka, Katrice, Charmaine) to San Francisco, Australia and Norway to sightsee (and go hunt for hot guys). *lecherous grin*

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:

I dance and sing in front of the mirror in my room.

18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?:

Make it so that gay people didn't have to grow up in this world so messed up, confused, frustrated and isolated that they're crippled by issues that stay with them past adolescence and into adulthood; sometimes through their entire lives. I just talked to a 33 year old today on the phone who up until recently wanted to only have relationships with "straight men" which is so sad that I don't really have anything else to add.

19: Do you like to dance?:

When I sing and perform, yes. According to my friends, it's apparently it's a dead giveaway to my preference, albeit one of my only ones.

20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?:

Nutcase. Nutcase. Nutcase. Didn't even win the elections. From what I've been reading about it (american politics are a sort of reality TV for me, with the power and the drama) his policies and actions now will cause damage to Americans for generations to come.

21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?:

I always imagined her name as an amalgam of the two most important women in my life; my mother and my nanny: Aidebeth.

21: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?:

Henry, after the X-Men's Hank McCoy. (Yes I'm just a HUGE geek.)

22: Would you ever consider living abroad?:

Perhaps, but not permanently; maybe a year or two at most. I know of people who HATE this country and can't wait to leave, and that's their right to feel as such. But for me, I've always felt that my home would always be here, no matter where I went.

And it seems like leaving this country just because things are hard... well, it just seems like you're giving up and abandoning something because it's difficult. This plays into MAJOR issues of my own upbringing regarding my broken family and my own determination to make things WORK, but there it is.

But I really like what my friend said and I'll paraphrase it here: "I owe this place too much, love it too much."

Yeah. That's it in a nutshell, right there.

23: Will you pass on this survey?:

Given the osmosis-like nature of the web, someone will most likely copy it off me.


"I know this is hard for you.... but this is a precious experience. Your first real heartbreak. You shouldn't....... deny yourself this, as much as I know you want to. And you shouldn't rush it. It's precious."


For all of you fans of The Amazing Race, simply the BEST reality show out there (yes, even better than Survivor and American Idol, dammit!) Here is some juicy info from Reality News Online about some NEW adjustments to the upsoming 5th installment, tentatively scheduled to begin airing in the American Summer, July 6: (mark your calendars!)

AR producers have said that the Race will be a bit more difficult on competitors. For example, teams that finish last in the non-elimination legs will still face a penalty – they will be stripped of their cash and not given any money for the next leg. In addition, there will be a way for players to force an opponent behind them to “yield” or slow down. Like the Fast Forward, each team will only get to force a yield one time during the entire Race.

In addition to the new twists, CBS says the game overall is more difficult. The players will have less money and thus be forced to make smart use of what they’ve got.

Wow. The non-elimination legs have ALWAYS been the achilles heel of this show in terms of drama, as with bunching, no matter where you place the teams are quickly back again to equal footing in the next leg. With THIS twist, expect teams to fight even more viciously for placing, ESPECIALLY in the final 3, where coming in last in the penultimate leg could be fatal. (However, I'm not sure they got it right in that the last team gets stripped of their cash AND recieves no further money, otherwise you'd leave them broke and stranded!)

Additionally, the "Anti Fast-Forward" YIELD could be very, very interesting in terms of affecting gameplay: Imagine having a flawless leg where you do everything right and are about to finish second, but get hit by one of those from the one team ahead of you and wind up getting Philiminated instead!

I'm psyched already. How soon is July??

Saturday, April 03, 2004


When I started this blog, I the main driving forces for doing so was twofold: One, to tighten up my writing skills, and Two, to allow out-of-touch friends to keep up to date with me (and vice versa).

Although I have been tempted many times to get a hit counter, I've always ultimately decided against it. Until I start getting PAID for maintaining a blog that gets hits, I'm careful to keep this here thing in perspective and not let it take any more of my time than it already does (which is already too much, in my view).

My worry is that if I find out the number of hits I get, I'd start thinking in terms of "Oh, now I have to get this out for my regular readers! I don't want to let these people down, I have a following now!" I started this blog for my own personal ego, and MAYBE my immediate friends, period. The only rule I hold myself under is that I try to keep it focused on MY problems, and try to keep other people out of it as much as possible. If there's a problem between me and someone else, I'm going to discuss it with THEM directly, not scream it out online for all the world to hear like so much dirty laundry.

The moment I start writing with an audience in mind, it's going to start feeling like a job (even worse, a job that doesn't PAY). This has already happened with my love of drawing, which dissipated after my stint at Fil-Cartoons, so I don't want to do the same with writing.

The thing is, I suspect that if I DID get a hit counter, I'd find that this blog already gets a LOT of readers, much more than just my friends. People I've never met comment on posts, and I've found this blog already listed as a link on other people's journals without my knowing.

Hell, I've even started getting what is the ultimate sign that you are getting plenty of attention in the web: Trolls, as in, people aiming to stir up trouble. The funny thing is, it's really difficult to muster up the energy to get upset over ANYTHING they say, due to the fact that I have never met them and have no idea who they are, why in the world would their opinion matter to me?

At first, I used allow what they brain-defecate onto my comment box and let it roll off my back; free speech and all. 'Til I remembered that this is NOT a democracy, hell, I'm not even AMERICAN, the First Amendment doesn't APPLY to me! Hahah! Rather than let their negative energy clog up this blog my NEW policy is just to sweep it up and delete or reedit any troll-ish comments like so much crud.

It amuses me that despite them knowing that I'll delete anything they put in, they still care enough to put in the effort to compose and type up a comment that I can erase in one click. But what I find REALLY hysterical? Is that these trolls claim to have so much contempt for me, but yet they STILL KEEP COMING BACK TO THIS BLOG ANXIOUSLY WAITING TO SEE WHAT I SAY NEXT. Remember what I said about hate simply being another aspect of love? If THAT'S not a fan, what is?

Don't get me wrong; if you're someone I know and/or have a VALID point to make, made in a respectful manner and aren't just trying to provoke (I mean really now, at least TRY not to be so obvious?....) even if it's something I may disagree with I will be happy to engage in a discussion. But this is MY space, and I feel that negativity has no place here.

Negativity that isn't MINE, that is. ;)

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